I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
