i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Text me some of your sweat
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
