Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You have to summon your inner elephant
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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