I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
