FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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