You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
