Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
