Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
