I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
