my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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