I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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