I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
