so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
