just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Rumble strips road head = magical
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
soo... how was my night?
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