she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
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