There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
