Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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