wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
