her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
