do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
