Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
