The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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