Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
