I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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