I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
