my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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