I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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