yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
