They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
