Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
