genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Boobs are out for the taking
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
