Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You smell like stripper and shame
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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