I accidentally had phone sex last night
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
worst night to have a conscience
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!