If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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