Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
