smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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