I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
