I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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