He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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