I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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