my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
