Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
