Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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