your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
