Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
