so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
