I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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