He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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