She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
