Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
