It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
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