I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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