there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
