just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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