a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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