as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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