i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
