Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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