So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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