I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
