Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
