i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
