Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
