I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
