She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
