For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
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No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
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He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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