I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
