I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Boobs speak an international language.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
