Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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