Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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