well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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