i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
