Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
