I could make wine with my vomit
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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