Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
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I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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