I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
pray to the hookup gods
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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