My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
