I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
